1. Don't worry about editing.
I'm sure people know what you meant to say.
2. Use lots of exclamation points.
It gets your point across with extra emphasis.
3. Never read books.
I mean who has time when you're writing words to read words. It doesn't matter anyway, right?
4. Readers love having to grab a dictionary while reading.
Especially on every page. So use tons of sibylline phraseology whenever accomplishable.
5. Description is tough.
It's okay to skip it.
6. Sit around waiting for inspiration.
It'll eventually hit you like a shovel in the head without you even trying.
7. Readers are your adversaries.
If they don't like your work, beat them with a stick until they agree to love your stories, too.
8. Paper-thin characters with no real motivations make it easier to tell a story.
It takes a long time to hash out complete characters with backstory, hopes and dreams. That's a ton of work. Skip it. Nobody will notice.
9. Never do any research.
I mean you're a writer, right? That means you make this sh*t up.
10. Wait for that perfect idea to come to you.
Don't write anything until it does.