Monday, April 14, 2014

Terrible Writing Tips


1. Don't worry about editing.
I'm sure people know what you meant to say.


2. Use lots of exclamation points.
It gets your point across with extra emphasis.


3. Never read books.
I mean who has time when you're writing words to read words. It doesn't matter anyway, right?


4. Readers love having to grab a dictionary while reading. 
Especially on every page. So use tons of sibylline phraseology whenever accomplishable.


5. Description is tough. 
It's okay to skip it.


6. Sit around waiting for inspiration.
It'll eventually hit you like a shovel in the head without you even trying.


7. Readers are your adversaries.
If they don't like your work, beat them with a stick until they agree to love your stories, too.


8. Paper-thin characters with no real motivations make it easier to tell a story.
It takes a long time to hash out complete characters with backstory, hopes and dreams. That's a ton of work. Skip it. Nobody will notice.


9. Never do any research.
I mean you're a writer, right? That means you make this sh*t up.


10. Wait for that perfect idea to come to you.
Don't write anything until it does.

14 comments:

  1. Hahaha... Hey Missy! Just loved it! So simple, still so true... Am laughing out loud...
    Will check your other posts! :)

    Dani.

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    1. Phew. I'm glad you laughed. I'm not always as amusing as I think I am. Happily, it seems this time: success!

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  2. I'm rocking #10 like a BAWSS. #9 scares me. #7 I will work on as soon as I get some readers. This cracked me up.

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    1. I have a beating stick I could loan you when the time comes, but I'll need it back for my readers!

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  3. Great tips and reminders for me to start off the week! I will hold back on those {!!!!!!!!!!!!} just for you. :)

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    1. You've used up your quota for the week right there!

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  4. I think I recently read a book - or tried to rather - that followed all these rules! no wonder it's bestseller! Ha.
    loved this - hilarious.
    And I am personally stuck on #10.

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    1. Ha. Be careful. They might have large beating sticks to come after you. That could be how they made it onto the bestseller list; brute force.

      Glad you enjoyed the list!

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  5. I love this! Some of them are very tempting at times.

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    1. I'll admit. Some of them are familiar. Maybe. Possibly! They are incredibly tempting! Like waiting for inspiration or skimping on research.

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  6. Replies
    1. It'll hit like a shovel when it comes flying at you. Be careful, and don't say I didn't warn you!

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  7. LOL Too funny! I love this list. :)

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    1. Yay! I usually totally amuse myself, so it's nice when other people are amused. Shows that I'm not completely off-the-wall crazy! Okay. I might be still.

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